The Sad Outcome of a Life Lived “Only for the Children”
Recently, I remembered something that happened years ago at a psychology workshop. An elderly woman sat in the room—simple, unassuming, with kind eyes. When the trainer asked what she wanted from life, she answered without hesitation:
“I just want my children to be happy…”
Everyone nodded. Of course, it sounded right. Almost noble. After all, isn’t that how a “proper” mother should answer? We’re raised to believe that parents—especially mothers—must always put their own desires aside for their children. From childhood, we’re fed the image of a woman who lives solely for her child, sacrificing everything: career, dreams, health. But is such a sacrifice truly happy?
Men, by the way, rarely answer this way. Perhaps because society allows them personal boundaries. But a woman? A woman must be the “perfect mother.” Spend her whole life thinking only of others. Even when children grow up, start their own families, parents keep giving until there’s nothing left—as if they have no right to their own lives.
But what’s the result? Where is the woman’s happiness in all this? Sacrifice isn’t always love. Sometimes, it’s self-destruction. Loving your children is natural. Caring for them, spoiling them sometimes—that’s fine, too. But forgetting yourself, turning your life into endless service—that’s a problem.
If a mother lives only for her child’s wishes, works herself to exhaustion to buy the latest trendy gadget or fund an expensive trip, goes into debt, skips rest—what happens? The child grows accustomed to always getting their way. They believe the world owes them everything. And when Mum suddenly can’t, doesn’t, or won’t—they’re baffled. How could this happen?
We raise egotists with our own hands. And it’s our fault. Because we never showed them love isn’t just about giving—it’s also about boundaries. We didn’t explain that Mum’s back might ache, that Dad might have dreams of his own, that parents aren’t wish-granting machines.
There’s another extreme—when parents go even further. They don’t just live *for* their children, but *instead* of them. They choose for them, think for them, decide for them. They gift things the child never even wanted. They believe this is boundless love. In reality, it’s anxious dependency. Such a mother won’t let go, won’t let them grow. Because without them, she’s no one.
Of course, care shouldn’t vanish. If Mum can afford to buy her son a holiday—why not? But not at the cost of her own tears and sleepless nights. Balance matters. Love isn’t sacrifice—it’s warmth, respect, and freedom.
Sadly, even well-off parents sometimes give their children everything, ensuring they lack nothing—yet miss what truly matters. They don’t teach them to work. Don’t instill the drive to achieve something themselves. The child grows up in comfort, then faces reality—and has no idea what to do. There are exceptions, but they’re few.
All it would have taken is this: teach them to respect hard work, help their parents, value what they have. So that years later, grown-up children might say, “I want my mum and dad to be happy. I want to take them to the seaside, show them the world they never saw because once, long ago, they gave it all up for me.”
As for that woman at the workshop… Half an hour later, she added quietly, almost shyly:
“And I’d so love to see the sea. My children go every year—summer, autumn. But me… it’s been so long. I went with my husband. When we were young… Like another life.”
The trouble is, that “other life” was her only one. And it slipped away, spent in the shadow of someone else’s happiness.
